by Sonia Su
Being home, especially on Thanksgiving, makes me constantly reflect on family dynamics.
I like to have the idea in my head that all is well with my family, but it’s hard to say that when during Thanksgiving, there is hardly any conversation, and my mom is essentially on her phone the entire time.
That last bit bugs me the most. And it wasn’t even the first time I’ve witnessed the detachment and utter lack of conversation during meals, a time whose social value has been lost on not only our generation, but also our parents. I find that I am wondering increasingly often whether it is I who has changed or my parents, who seem less and less social in social settings.
It’s hard to have conversations with my parents. I suppose it has always been difficult, especially given the language barrier, but it would be nice to come home and talk about more than just how I feel like I’m the mom of the group, scolding others for being on their phones during dinner—and not just dinner but, for God’s sake, Thanksgiving.
I feel like the spirit of Thanksgiving has been lost or never really understood by my family. Heck, my sister flew out yesterday to celebrate the family holiday with her friends in Colorado.
I haven’t even had to chance to reflect on what I’m thankful for, with all my somewhat-hypocritical bitching and whining about how others don’t seem to be thankful enough. And here I am, not knowing exactly what to be thankful for, either, except for parents who do so graciously provide for me and my friends, without hesitation.
I can’t complain, and yet there is so much wrong. I’m only home for two days, and these past two days have been spent mostly with my friends who decided to join us this break. Tomorrow, we’re heading up to NYC for the weekend.
Even granted more time with my family, I’m uncomfortably sure that I will never be satisfied with the idealistic family bonding that I still (foolishly?) imagine. Relationships are complicated.
I hate to be so negative on Thanksgiving, and it makes me sad that I was looking forward to blogging, because it means that my thoughts and emotions weren’t expressed satisfactorily today. Blogging helps.
Anyway, I hope you readers had a great Thanksgiving, because if anything, I’m grateful for you guys :)